Lauren's birthday fun

Every year on the Dylan and Lauren's birthday night, we order a pizza, and I get a block of ice cream and some sweets and chocolate sauce and I make an ice cream birthday cake, and we have a 'birthday feast'

Up until now Lauren really hasn't understood, but this time she was delighted with herself, she was so happy that she was the centre of attention. She had a big smile on her face, and she was so happy to be the birthday girl.

So here are a few pictures to remember the evening...

Here's the little princess enjoying herself

Happy Birthday feast Lauren!

Lauren you are three!

Today my Lauren is three, I can't believe how fast the time has gone by. Today was the first time that I didn't get to spend a birthday morning with one of my children. I was in the hospital with Dylan until about 11 am, and so I asked Derek and his parents not to tell her it was her birthday yet, so I could wish her a happy birthday when we got in. So as soon as she saw me she ran into my arms and we all called out happy birthday to her. I love her more than words can ever describe.

Lauren is an intelligent, kind and wonderful three year old, she has the most adorable little voice, and she is so kind and caring. She loves her art supplies and colouring books, she loves to play with her dolls and her big brother. She is a great little girl, and she is just wonderful. It doesn't feel like three years ago that I held her in my arms for the first time. The moment they laid her in my arms and I saw her, I fell head over heels  in love with her. I recently added her birth story and I also have a page dedicated to her.

 we can't wait for your birthday party on Sunday.

Happy Birthday my darling little princess

We love you...

Deja vu

I just can't believe I'm writing this post, my poor Dylan is in hospital again coming round from his second surgery in three months. I am just so overwhelmed, I can't quite believe its happened again. After the fracture three months ago we always knew that if he ever fell awkwardly on his arm again, it could easily break again.

I've been constantly watching and asking him to stop jumping and rolling, but boys will be boys. He was playing on his Flickr yesterday and went over on his bad arm, and well I guess the only way to describe it was it just 'snapped' again. Except it wasn't as easy to fix this time around, he was brought in for surgery today, and the surgeon inserted a medal rod and screws to hold his bone in place. This will help the bone to heal, the surgeon tried a few times to manipulate the bone into place, but unfortunately it wasn't successful and they had to perform an 'open reduction' which meant cutting my precious baby, and putting pins in the bone of his arm.

To say I'm devastated would put it mildly, I cannot bear to watch my baby go through this. It is unbearable to have him put under anaesthetic, the lack of control and pain you feel is almost physical. The surgery took two hours, and I don't know how I got through those hours. I paced and cried and prayed, eventually they let me see him, and explained to me what had happened in surgery. They also gave him some morphine, suppositories and an injection to help with any pain he might have, but thankfully he's coping very well

The surgeon came to see me after, to explain a few things about the procedure, and it appeared to be quite a taxing surgery. I am just so thankful that it is over, he will have to come back in a couple of months to have the rods removed, but we will worry about that in the future.

Right now he's dozing on and off, but he seems very comfortable. He did really well and he was very lucky to have an amazing team in theatre.

It's not so great on the ward. All the staff are really nice,  it's just they are very stretched staff wise and dealing with a lot of work. Initially they put us in a ward, but i wasn't content to stay in a ward full of sick children, when Dylan is in as an orthopaedic case. I mean we pay enough for our medical insurance, so I asked for a private room. I was also worried as Dylan was about to go for a two hour op, there's no way I was having him on a ward full of kids coughing all over him!

I know it's a hospital and people are sick, its just I don't understand why there isn't a designated orthopaedic ward. The nurses come by intermittently to check his vitals and watch for swelling from his cast, but it could be more frequent!

Derek took Lauren over today to see Dylan before his surgery, and drop off some things for us, and he had to leave again to give Lauren her dinner. It was just as well, as I was concerned about her catching something in the hospital!

It's awful not having family close by when these things happen. Derek's parents are quite close, they live 45 minutes away so they came last night, so we could come in to the emergency department. We had nobody to take Lauren today, so the poor petal got carted into the hospital. She was quite a hit with the nurses though, they were all quite taken with her. They were all MAD about Dylan too, he's so funny and charming. They were delighted with him, Everyone kept commenting on how intelligent he is. He is very switched on for his age, and asks questions most kids wouldn't even think of!

I'm writing this post on my phone now while I'm watching him sleep. I'll do anything to keep myself occupied, and stop me worrying. I'm physically and emotionally drained, it is difficult to be the parent in these situations, in effect you are treated almost as an extension of the patient, i.e. you make all the decisions for the child as though they were for yourself. It is also terrifying to make those decisions, to make sure you are making the right ones. You have to be an advocate for your child, and you have to make sure they are getting the best care they can have.

I just can't believe how unlucky he has been to have to relive this nightmare again. As I've said before when he went through all this, he is so brave and strong and positive. I am immeasurably proud of him.

I just wish I could wrap him in cotton wool, and stop all these things happening. I hate to see my baby cry, I hate to watch him suffer, and above all I hate when he is put to sleep in front of me. I am filled with terror that he won't wake up, that they won't do a good job. Not only do they hold your child's life in their hands, they also hold your life, because that little person in those hands is your whole world and your whole life.

Here's my brave little boy putting on a brave face before surgery and I had to add one of him after, so he could be delighted to see his cast when he's feeling better. We are so proud of you Dylan, and we love you more than words.

After coming around from the anaesthetic a few hours later, he pain was very well maintained and he was quite comfortable. He was feeling a bit more like his old self again

I took these photos to send to my Mom so she could see that Dylan was doing much better after his surgery. I was so relieved to see his little smile again, I was so grateful that he had come through everything ok. God I love this little guy. I hate that he has been so unlucky to have to go through this again. I am so proud of his strength of character. We love you Dylan...

 Here's a catch up of Dylan's journey with his arm so far...

Dylan's first hospital visits

First hospital visit

Dylan's first surgery

Final hospital visit

Superheroes & Sundaes

This weekend was spent relaxing with the kiddies. Derek and I were lucky enough to have our new babysitter come again on Friday night so we could get out to see a film together! We saw 'The Descendants' it was a really moving film, and it was so nice to get out together. This was the third weekend of us getting out together, last weekend she came for the first time and we went out with some friends and had a lovely break! The weekend before we were lucky enough to get away for the night so we've been really lucky recently. I really love to be with my fabulous kids, but it's nice to get some time alone with other adults!

The kids were acting a bit strange this weekend, I was downstairs and these two appear like this ! They had dressed up as spiderman which is a running theme here the last few days! Lauren was in Dylan's old spiderman costume and he was in his current costume! They looked hilarious!

Then Lauren decided she wanted to have my curlers in her hair to make it all curly, and so we put them in... How does she still manage to look adorable in curlers! She looked so funny.

And finally the other little baby in our house who is very naughty.. we couldn't find her and went searching and this is what we found....

Little rascal! She wasn't very impressed when I took her out, she isn't allowed in the bedrooms!

 I have to say it was nice to relax and spend time with the kids. Dylan was away for a few days with his friend and his family who have a house down south , and I really missed him... I'm not sure if he was ready to be away from Mummy for two days, he missed us a lot. He had a birthday party yesterday for his other friend! So he has a CRAZY schedule!!

Today we went to the park and played for a while and then we went for a walk, and now since it's Sunday (the only day I allow the kids to have dessert after dinner) we are going to make ice cream sundaes.... yaay for weekend treats!

Valentine's Day 2012

Today my husband and I celebrate our 13th valentines day! I still find it very difficult to believe we've been together for 13 years this year. Even after all these years I can still always find something special to say on his valentines day card! I always remind myself how lucky I am to have such a dedicated and loving husband, and an amazing father to my children. I am blessed to have him in my life!

I also really love the beautiful dozen red roses he surprised me with! Thank you Derek... I love you...

We will have a night out together on Friday night, now that we have a regular babysitter, we have been out every week this month! It's so great to have a few hours together when the kids are asleep, and we know they are safe and happy. It's so important to have quality time together!

Happy Valentines day everyone!

Not enough hours

I'm linking up with Kelly today, she is doing a feature on working Mothers. I'm not going to focus on how difficult it is in work when you are a Mom, but more on how difficult it is to be a Mom when you are in work everyday. It's so difficult to be away from your kids, to not be able to be the one to collect them from school, and to not have to take a day off when they are sick, to just be there. It is something that I struggle with every single day. It is harder to get out the door in the morning, it's harder to be out and thinking about them, and you miss them, then you have to deal with the 'mother guilt' - you do feel guilty.

Sometimes I feel like I'm not a 'real' Mom. I love my children just as much as a Mom that stays at home, I miss them just as much, and I feel awful not being there all the time. The difference is, I have no choice, I am living in a different city which means that I have a mortgage on a house where we used to live, and we have to pay to live in the most expensive city in Ireland. Unfortunately if I don't go out to work, we couldn't provide for our children properly, and I guess that would make me feel a lot more guilty than going out to work.

I would like to say that I do enjoy my work. I love getting out into the workplace and meeting people, and having a life outside of the children too, but sadly just having those feelings can make you feel guilty too! there doesn't seem to be a happy medium. I was very lucky that I had a career break for a long time, I left work when I was 20 weeks pregnant with Lauren - due to medical reasons, and I stayed off work until Lauren was almost two. I had two years at home, and that was a blessing.

It's easy to dwell on all the negatives of being a working Mum, but if I did that then I would be a nervous wreck. I try to focus on the positive, I get to show my children that it is responsible to get out and work for what you want. We have a very high rate of parents not working on Ireland. I don't want to make comment on that as it isn't my place, but I think it's important for my daughter to see me going out to work, to see that Mom's can go to work too. I'm in no way saying that by not going to work your daughter will think any differently, as my Mom never worked outside the home when we were children. It's just important to me for Lauren to see me be ambitious and succeed.

I work two alternate shifts, I work 7:30-3:30 every other week and 10-6 is the other shift. I'm incredibly lucky to be able to have an early shift every other week, especially with the summer coming up and the evenings getting longer and brighter. I can really enjoy the time I will have with the kids. A while back I wrote a post on a day in a working Mother's life, I had seen it on other Mom blogs and decided it would be nice to look back on and see how hard it was.  When the kids are older they can also appreciate how difficult it was. They can appreciate that I worked hard for them, not to just not be there, which Dylan can often throw at me now and make me feel guilty about.

I feel incredibly lucky that I have a job in the current economic environment, and a job that I love. I am also lucky enough to have an amazing childminder, she works hard to give the kids educational and fun activities to do, and they love her, I did have the kids in a creche and Dylan in after school care, but I felt it wasn't the right environment for my children. I wanted them to have the one on one contact with a minder and to also have a more 'home from home' environment, they are happy there and I am happy as a result. In an ideal world I could have the best of both - I could work three or four days and have the rest at home. I hope that in the future I will be able to achieve this, but right now as I said before I chose to live in the positive - enjoy my time in work in the knowledge that my children are happy, and really enjoy my quality time with them when I get home.

 I am also happy in the knowledge that I can provide healthy food, warm clothes a safe and happy place to live, warmth, and activities that they enjoy- I can also have a childminder that I trust and like. I also know that I can provide them with an education when they are older. All of which I couldn't do if I didn't have a job outside the home.

I love my children just as much, and I wish I could have more time with them. I wish I didn't always have to come home to squabbles and demands, but it is tough, and everyone knows that, it isn't a walk in the park. It is hard work and it takes accurate planning and determination to make it work, I have to always be ready for any situation. I need to have the kids organised and ready to go, but if you are organised it can work well.

Here's the link  to the post I wrote last year. If you want to check out what an average day is like, I am in a different job now though, and last year I was doing everything on my own as my husband was working in a different city. Now I am lucky enough to have the amazing support of my husband, we are a team and we both work really hard to keep the family organised!

I also appreciate that it is just as hard to work inside the home. I am in the position to comment as I have been in both situations. It is a different set of challenges when you are home working all day, and one is not easier than the other, they are both difficult. The difference I find is you go to work all day, and then clock off and clock on as Mom! I often feel that there aren't enough hours in the day, some days my shifts are 24 hours!

I hope my children will realise that I worked hard not because I didn't want to be here, but because I wanted to be able to take care of them because I love them so much.

Well done to all Mommies out there whether you work inside or outside of the home. We are all on the same journey, and we should support each other. We all want the same things for our children, some of us just have to do it a different way. I respect all Moms as it is a difficult job, but I know we all love to do it!When I look at these faces, I know why I do it....

I love you Dylan and Lauren...

What I love - Beauty products

A while back I did a post on what I loved for kids health and hygiene and education I was thinking of things I love that some other Mom's might like to know about. Recently I got a very generous gift for a shop in Dundrum where they sell MAC, so I treated myself to new everything! from that the things that I love the most are these:

Mac false lash mascara, it is absolutely amazing, it really really works, I've had people ask me am I wearing false lashes, or if I've had eyelash extensions! I have long eyelashes anyway so it seems to thicken them up and makes them look really fanned out and full. I am utterly in LOVE with this mascara, I'll never use any other one

if I use my mascara with this old faithful, Isa Dora gel eyeliner, that I've been buying for years, it gives you a really false lash look, it's really dramatic for nights out!

I love this eyeshadow with the above products. It's the snow globe eye shadow compact from MAC, the colours last all day, and you can make them light or darken them. You can also do a smokey eye, or just a quick sweep of colour before you run out the door!

I've also been using this beautiful highlighter and foundation and I love them! The foundation is flawless and wears very well. It gives really good coverage and you can wear just a light covering, or go heavier if you are going out for the night.

The highlighter I do need to reapply during the day, but it's lovely and shimmery, and it adds lovely sparkle to your cheek bones. It is very girly and pretty! 

I'm also loving the Bobbi Brown eye set, it has a gel eyeliner and a gel eyeshadow and a really good brush, it lasts for hours and the gel eyeliner wears very well!

I wasn't a huge fan of the mascara it tended to flake a bit, and fall below my lashes which was a bit irritating! So I didn't really use it too often. 

Obviously you have to get the base right. I was using a moisturiser that cost me a fortune from the beauty salon and I really didn't feel it was that great, it was supposed to be a treatment type one as I am prone to break outs, but my Mom got me this range from Avon and I have to say it is amazing! I use this in the night to try and clear my skin, and it actually does work. 

Not to mention it's half the price. During the day I use a product that is light and has an spf and helps keep my skin Matte. I actually started using it when I read that some of the actresses on Desperate housewives swear by it, as their cheap miracle cream ( I think it was Marcia Cross) It absorbs very quickly and keeps your skin hydrated all day. I love it!

Now I really love this nail polish by Nails Inc you can get it in Brown Thomas, it is so glossy and lasts a long time, this picture has my favourite colour in it. I've been getting the shellac french manicure recently, but I'm hoping to find a shellac colour in this exact shade, and then it will be flawless for two whole weeks, which will be amazing!

Now to the tan! I am naturally pale, and I love to have a more Sun kissed look every day, and I swear by the Palmer's natural bronze daily moisturiser, it has coco butter so it is really moisturising.

if you put it on over a few nights it really comes out like a natural tan. If I'm going anywhere really special and I need to use a false tan, I really love the Bronze Express tan by Academie, it's a lotion and you need to use it with a glove, but it is flawless and I LOVE it!

It is also instant and darkens over a few hours. I HIGHLY recommend this one!

 My most favourite product would be Johnson's Baby oil, I use it after a bath or shower every day, before my moisturiser on damp skin, and it locks in the moisture in your skin. I always notice if I haven't used it in a few days as my skin gets dry again. It is great, especially the one with aloe in it.

And finally at the end of every night right before I go to sleep I slick on some of this...

I actually have all of the above. I use the green one before I go to bed, I use the yellow one in the summer as it has spf. I use the pink one during the day instead of lipstick, and I'll use the blue one over lipstick. I have random little tins of this all over the house, you are likely to find tins I've thought I've lost and bought another!

I also cover my hands in this before I go to bed every night, otherwise my hands end up bone dry!

and I love it! It's more expensive than regular hand creams, but it's worth it because it's a full hand and nail treatment.

( as usual all of the pictures are from google images)

As with my other posts, these are my own opinions. They are just the products that I love to use everyday, they are my must haves. These are the products I pack first when I'm going anywhere, and I love them. I've been using them for years, and I imagine I will continue to use then for years to come.