Not enough hours

I'm linking up with Kelly today, she is doing a feature on working Mothers. I'm not going to focus on how difficult it is in work when you are a Mom, but more on how difficult it is to be a Mom when you are in work everyday. It's so difficult to be away from your kids, to not be able to be the one to collect them from school, and to not have to take a day off when they are sick, to just be there. It is something that I struggle with every single day. It is harder to get out the door in the morning, it's harder to be out and thinking about them, and you miss them, then you have to deal with the 'mother guilt' - you do feel guilty.

Sometimes I feel like I'm not a 'real' Mom. I love my children just as much as a Mom that stays at home, I miss them just as much, and I feel awful not being there all the time. The difference is, I have no choice, I am living in a different city which means that I have a mortgage on a house where we used to live, and we have to pay to live in the most expensive city in Ireland. Unfortunately if I don't go out to work, we couldn't provide for our children properly, and I guess that would make me feel a lot more guilty than going out to work.

I would like to say that I do enjoy my work. I love getting out into the workplace and meeting people, and having a life outside of the children too, but sadly just having those feelings can make you feel guilty too! there doesn't seem to be a happy medium. I was very lucky that I had a career break for a long time, I left work when I was 20 weeks pregnant with Lauren - due to medical reasons, and I stayed off work until Lauren was almost two. I had two years at home, and that was a blessing.

It's easy to dwell on all the negatives of being a working Mum, but if I did that then I would be a nervous wreck. I try to focus on the positive, I get to show my children that it is responsible to get out and work for what you want. We have a very high rate of parents not working on Ireland. I don't want to make comment on that as it isn't my place, but I think it's important for my daughter to see me going out to work, to see that Mom's can go to work too. I'm in no way saying that by not going to work your daughter will think any differently, as my Mom never worked outside the home when we were children. It's just important to me for Lauren to see me be ambitious and succeed.

I work two alternate shifts, I work 7:30-3:30 every other week and 10-6 is the other shift. I'm incredibly lucky to be able to have an early shift every other week, especially with the summer coming up and the evenings getting longer and brighter. I can really enjoy the time I will have with the kids. A while back I wrote a post on a day in a working Mother's life, I had seen it on other Mom blogs and decided it would be nice to look back on and see how hard it was.  When the kids are older they can also appreciate how difficult it was. They can appreciate that I worked hard for them, not to just not be there, which Dylan can often throw at me now and make me feel guilty about.

I feel incredibly lucky that I have a job in the current economic environment, and a job that I love. I am also lucky enough to have an amazing childminder, she works hard to give the kids educational and fun activities to do, and they love her, I did have the kids in a creche and Dylan in after school care, but I felt it wasn't the right environment for my children. I wanted them to have the one on one contact with a minder and to also have a more 'home from home' environment, they are happy there and I am happy as a result. In an ideal world I could have the best of both - I could work three or four days and have the rest at home. I hope that in the future I will be able to achieve this, but right now as I said before I chose to live in the positive - enjoy my time in work in the knowledge that my children are happy, and really enjoy my quality time with them when I get home.

 I am also happy in the knowledge that I can provide healthy food, warm clothes a safe and happy place to live, warmth, and activities that they enjoy- I can also have a childminder that I trust and like. I also know that I can provide them with an education when they are older. All of which I couldn't do if I didn't have a job outside the home.

I love my children just as much, and I wish I could have more time with them. I wish I didn't always have to come home to squabbles and demands, but it is tough, and everyone knows that, it isn't a walk in the park. It is hard work and it takes accurate planning and determination to make it work, I have to always be ready for any situation. I need to have the kids organised and ready to go, but if you are organised it can work well.

Here's the link  to the post I wrote last year. If you want to check out what an average day is like, I am in a different job now though, and last year I was doing everything on my own as my husband was working in a different city. Now I am lucky enough to have the amazing support of my husband, we are a team and we both work really hard to keep the family organised!

I also appreciate that it is just as hard to work inside the home. I am in the position to comment as I have been in both situations. It is a different set of challenges when you are home working all day, and one is not easier than the other, they are both difficult. The difference I find is you go to work all day, and then clock off and clock on as Mom! I often feel that there aren't enough hours in the day, some days my shifts are 24 hours!

I hope my children will realise that I worked hard not because I didn't want to be here, but because I wanted to be able to take care of them because I love them so much.

Well done to all Mommies out there whether you work inside or outside of the home. We are all on the same journey, and we should support each other. We all want the same things for our children, some of us just have to do it a different way. I respect all Moms as it is a difficult job, but I know we all love to do it!When I look at these faces, I know why I do it....

I love you Dylan and Lauren...

What I love - Beauty products

A while back I did a post on what I loved for kids health and hygiene and education I was thinking of things I love that some other Mom's might like to know about. Recently I got a very generous gift for a shop in Dundrum where they sell MAC, so I treated myself to new everything! from that the things that I love the most are these:

Mac false lash mascara, it is absolutely amazing, it really really works, I've had people ask me am I wearing false lashes, or if I've had eyelash extensions! I have long eyelashes anyway so it seems to thicken them up and makes them look really fanned out and full. I am utterly in LOVE with this mascara, I'll never use any other one

if I use my mascara with this old faithful, Isa Dora gel eyeliner, that I've been buying for years, it gives you a really false lash look, it's really dramatic for nights out!

I love this eyeshadow with the above products. It's the snow globe eye shadow compact from MAC, the colours last all day, and you can make them light or darken them. You can also do a smokey eye, or just a quick sweep of colour before you run out the door!

I've also been using this beautiful highlighter and foundation and I love them! The foundation is flawless and wears very well. It gives really good coverage and you can wear just a light covering, or go heavier if you are going out for the night.

The highlighter I do need to reapply during the day, but it's lovely and shimmery, and it adds lovely sparkle to your cheek bones. It is very girly and pretty! 

I'm also loving the Bobbi Brown eye set, it has a gel eyeliner and a gel eyeshadow and a really good brush, it lasts for hours and the gel eyeliner wears very well!

I wasn't a huge fan of the mascara it tended to flake a bit, and fall below my lashes which was a bit irritating! So I didn't really use it too often. 

Obviously you have to get the base right. I was using a moisturiser that cost me a fortune from the beauty salon and I really didn't feel it was that great, it was supposed to be a treatment type one as I am prone to break outs, but my Mom got me this range from Avon and I have to say it is amazing! I use this in the night to try and clear my skin, and it actually does work. 

Not to mention it's half the price. During the day I use a product that is light and has an spf and helps keep my skin Matte. I actually started using it when I read that some of the actresses on Desperate housewives swear by it, as their cheap miracle cream ( I think it was Marcia Cross) It absorbs very quickly and keeps your skin hydrated all day. I love it!

Now I really love this nail polish by Nails Inc you can get it in Brown Thomas, it is so glossy and lasts a long time, this picture has my favourite colour in it. I've been getting the shellac french manicure recently, but I'm hoping to find a shellac colour in this exact shade, and then it will be flawless for two whole weeks, which will be amazing!

Now to the tan! I am naturally pale, and I love to have a more Sun kissed look every day, and I swear by the Palmer's natural bronze daily moisturiser, it has coco butter so it is really moisturising.

if you put it on over a few nights it really comes out like a natural tan. If I'm going anywhere really special and I need to use a false tan, I really love the Bronze Express tan by Academie, it's a lotion and you need to use it with a glove, but it is flawless and I LOVE it!

It is also instant and darkens over a few hours. I HIGHLY recommend this one!

 My most favourite product would be Johnson's Baby oil, I use it after a bath or shower every day, before my moisturiser on damp skin, and it locks in the moisture in your skin. I always notice if I haven't used it in a few days as my skin gets dry again. It is great, especially the one with aloe in it.

And finally at the end of every night right before I go to sleep I slick on some of this...

I actually have all of the above. I use the green one before I go to bed, I use the yellow one in the summer as it has spf. I use the pink one during the day instead of lipstick, and I'll use the blue one over lipstick. I have random little tins of this all over the house, you are likely to find tins I've thought I've lost and bought another!

I also cover my hands in this before I go to bed every night, otherwise my hands end up bone dry!

and I love it! It's more expensive than regular hand creams, but it's worth it because it's a full hand and nail treatment.

( as usual all of the pictures are from google images)

As with my other posts, these are my own opinions. They are just the products that I love to use everyday, they are my must haves. These are the products I pack first when I'm going anywhere, and I love them. I've been using them for years, and I imagine I will continue to use then for years to come.

New look

I'm now the proud owner of a beautiful new blog design.... by the talented Aly over at bridge work blog designs. I am so happy with it, and Aly was incredible to work with - and I am a perfectionist control freak!! I'm sure she had her work cut out for her! but she was so patient and informative and helpful!  and I have to say I really love my new design and I look forward to working with Aly some time again in the future, I love how she managed to capture my personality in the design, I feel like it's really 'me' and I couldn't be happier with it!

Thanks Aly

Dress up & a dolly

We had a really great weekend this weekend! It was the nicest one we've had in a long time! My parents came up and spent the weekend with us. They stayed over so we could go to a friends thirtieth birthday party in Naas, which is about forty minutes away. We stayed over in a really nice bed and breakfast. The party was great, we really enjoyed it, and it was lovely to wake up and have a lovely breakfast cooked for us and have some quality time together! We were back up and all the next morning to spend more time with my parents!

Here we are before we headed out!

Derek with the birthday boy and his other friends!

In the afternoon we played dress up

The guys watched the rugby match, and so Dylan had to wear his new rugby jersey to his friends party after the match! He was delighted to wear it!

Last weekend I got to spend some quality time with Dylan on our own, well this weekend my mom and I spent some really lovely time with Lauren! Just the girls went shopping. My mom took her to the toy shop to pick out her birthday present, so we could put it away for her birthday.

I mean just look at the concentration.... which barbie doll.... the decisions!! This was also her first Barbie doll experience! they were my most favourite toy when I was a little girl!

Then we went and tried on party dresses for her party! It was the most adorable thing ever!

We picked a gorgeous taffeta gown with a matching baby pink cardigan.. I can't wait for her to wear it, I'm going to get her some baby pink tights, pink shoes and hair ribbons.

Then we went and picked Dylan up from his party,  he really enjoyed the da, the party was held at the children's museum! Then he had a friend to play, so Dylan had quite a lovely day, hence I couldn't find him for any photos!

We also worked on our star charts! We've been having a few issues here behaviour wise with the two children! So I did up two charts and they're working really hard on them! I'm starting to see some improvement.

So that was our weekend. We really enjoyed it. It was so nice to spend lovely quality time with Lauren and my mum while I knew Dylan was having a ball! I really enjoyed the weekend too, I miss my Mom and I love to spend some time with her.... I'm looking forward to the next visit already!

  

Dundrum on Ice 2012

Yesterday I took Dylan ice skating with his friend, the mums decided to sit this one out! But that's ok because it gave me a great chance to snap Dylan skating! We went to the same place we went skating last year , that time poor Dylan spent about 70% of the time on the ice flat on his back, the other 30% he spent grabbing onto his little penguin that is supposed to keep you up!

This year he went straight out on the ice and fell over, so I encouraged him to use the little penguin, well after about 10-15 minutes with it, he was able to stay upright on the ice and ACTUALLY SKATE!! Now it wasn't the most elegant skating I've ever seen but it was skating nonetheless! His little pal that we went with has been skating a few more times than Dylan, and he skated the whole time, he didn't fall once!

I would say if Dylan went a few more times he'd spend a little less time flat on his face! He's so funny and he really enjoyed it! He always sees the funny side to falling over... which is nice!

After our skating we took them to Macdonalds for lunch, and he really enjoyed his quality time with mum! That afternoon he had a party to go to, his social life is more active than mine!!

Lauren spent the morning with daddy, shopping and watching cartoons. In the afternoon we went and got a lot of the decorations for Lauren's party! We had a nice day, today we are going to relax and I'm going to go get a dress for a party we're going to at the weekend, Nanna and Grandad are coming to mind Lauren and Dylan overnight, we've booked the hotel! We're really looking forward to our night out!

Here's my favourite little guy having fun ice skating...

A special Daddy

Well this is all about Daddy today, when I was going through the old photos on our laptop I came across two pictures, one of Derek with Dylan and one with Derek and Lauren together, both pictures are the same pose! How cute is this? A daddy with his two babies, his two most favourite little people in the world. These photos are really special to me, they are two of my most treasured memories...

This photo makes me think of this....

and we are lucky enough to have one special Daddy!

Lauren's birth story

When I found out I was pregnant with Lauren, I instantly tried to attend my old consultant, but he wasn't available. I looked into going to two other consultants locally but they were all booked out. I  went to meet one other consultant, and Derek and I were absolutely disgusted with him. He refused to acknowledge the fact that I'd had previous surgery prior to my delivery with Dylan and he wouldn't even consider doing a Cesarean section, a fact which we had extensively discussed with our last consultant.  We left and Derek let the consultant know by letter how disgusted we were with his care and that his services would not be required!

So I was very cheeky, my previous consultant was actually a neighbour of my parents and I absolutely LOVED! and he recommended a consultant to us, the only down side was this consultant was about a forty five minute drive away. We didn't care, we drove to meet with him and we instantly clicked ! He examined me, and we discussed my previous delivery and he was absolutely in agreement with my last consultant and thought a Cesarean was completely necessary. In fact he highly and strongly recommended it. So it was decided, I would stay with this consultant and he would deliver our baby by C-section a week before my due date! which was estimated as the 3/03/09.

After my appointment I felt so much better. So we were all booked for our section! My pregnancy with Lauren wasn't as easy as with Dylan. I was really exhausted, and I was working full time and I had a four year old to look after, and when I was 20 weeks I had some spotting in work. I went straight to my OB and they admitted me to the hospital where they monitored me and the baby overnight. When they were happy they sent me home and wouldn't allow me to work. I had to rest a lot and I wasn't allowed to do too much. With a four year old at home so this wasn't so easy!!

Part One- Going into Labour

On Valentines day 2009, I remember I started getting very strong Braxton Hicks and they started to get steadily stronger, and I started getting uncomfortable. I went to bed for a while and they continued, so when I got up I called the midwife to ask about them. She said if they go away when I get up and walk around, then they aren't doing anything. So I got up and took a shower and walked around.... and sure enough.... they subsided. They came and went on and off over the next few days, but they seemed like contractions that weren't really doing anything.

My section was scheduled for the 24/02/09 and I was all set for it. I knew exactly what to expect and I was completely prepared for the surgery and the recovery. In the early hours of Sunday 22/02/09 I woke with some cramping pains. I thought I might need to go to the bathroom, and I got up and when I went back to bed they seemed to subside again and I thought it was like before, so I thought no more about it. Until it happened three times over the next two hours. Eventually they started to feel worse, I got up and I was needing to breath through the 'cramps' and I was leaning against the banister in the hall. It was at this point that Derek said to me that he really thought I might be in labour. I remember saying ' Derek I can't be in labour, I'm having a c- section on Tuesday!!! It sounds so crazy now, but it just did not enter my mind that I would go into labour naturally! Then I realised when the pain would go away and then come back again ten minutes later, that yes I probably was in labour!! We didn't get a last bump picture with Lauren as it was the middle of the night!

I remember being really calm and organised. I calmly got dressed and got my packed hospital bag. I put a few bits in another bag and kept breathing through my contractions. Derek called my Mum to come and take care of Dylan, she lived nearby at the time and she was there in minutes. Dylan hadn't even woken up. It was 4am at this stage and my contractions were coming every twenty minutes regularly. We headed off after some kisses for Dylan. Derek called the hospital to tell them I was coming in and to go ahead and call the on call OB (I was gutted as my consultant was away for the weekend, but I tried not to dwell on it)

I was so excited, I couldn't believe that in a few hours we would meet our baby. The contractions started to get worse in the car, but they still seemed to stay at every 15-20  minutes, until about the last 10 or so minutes of the journey when they started coming every ten minutes. I got to the hospital and the midwife got me settled in and hooked up to a monitor. They wanted to see if I actually was in labour and how far along I was, therefore they would be able to give the theatre staff a time for the surgery. She came and read the monitor, I could see the monitor spiking up really high and Lauren's heartbeat would go up. She  acknowledged that I was definitely in labour and from looking at my contractions on paper she definitely wanted to go ahead and examine me. She was saying that I probably had a long ways to go yet it might be a while before they called the OB. Then she examined me and said 'ok we should really call the Doctor now,'

They called the doctor that had been in my practice, so I was really relieved when I saw him. He was a very nice older man, and I was happy that he would be the one to deliver our little baby. 

So it all kicked off very quickly from here, once they realised that I was in active labour and progressing very quickly, they wanted to get me to the theatre so that I didn't do any damage with labour due to my previous surgery.

Part two- my Cesarean section

 So the midwife came and gave me some a gown and some elasticated compression tights.She gave Derek some scrubs. Then she prepped me for the surgery, and gave me some antacids for my stomach, then the anaesthesiologist came and spoke with me and I signed a consent form. Then before I knew it I was being taken to the operating room. The contractions were getting stronger at this point and I was glad I was getting my spinal block soon.

They wheeled me into the theatre and the anaesthesiologist had me sit up to administer the block, it started working so quickly. My toes and legs felt really warm and then I couldn't feel anything from my chest down. The theatre staff started coming in and getting ready. There seemed to be so many people there for my section and it was a little scary to be honest. Then they put up the curtain and started an iv and asked me if I could feel anything on my tummy,and I couldn't so they started. It seems to be so fast, they tell you that  you feel lots of tugging and pulling which is uncomfortable but I was ok. Before I knew it they were telling me, the baby is almost here, I heard the doctor say the cord was around her neck and I remember thinking, thank the lord I didn't continue labour on my own, I was so scared to think what might have happened with the cord around her neck.
Then they called out those words, "It's a girl,"

Then I saw my first glimpse of her, they whisked her to the other side of the room. I stretched my neck to see her, and then I heard it. The most glorious and shrill cries, and she starting waving her arms and crying. It was 7:59 am on Sunday the 22/02/09, nine days early, and my daughter was here weighing 7lbs 2 oz. I just cried as soon as I looked over at her. I remember I said 'oh Derek she has red hair too like Dylan!' but she didn't it just looked red from the delivery.

They said to Derek that her lips were a bit blue so they had a tiny little hose and they were blowing air on her face and lips. Then they put a nappy on her and wrapped her and put her hat on her and brought her to me. The first thing I noticed were her big lips, she had Angelina lips! She was stunning, she was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen, and utterly perfect in every way. She had dark wispy hair, she started to open her big eyes. It was amazing. Then the nurse put her in her cot, and took her to the nursery with Derek, while they finished my surgery. It felt like forever, I was missing out on the cuddles!

After my surgery they took me to recovery, where they kept me for such a long time, they told me to rest and that they would let me go back to my room when I had some sensation back. They told me to keep pressing the button on my arm for the morphine so it would kick in when the anaesthetic wore off. Then they took me back into the room.  Where Daddy and Lauren were getting to know each other.

My mom was on her way with my Dad and Dylan and at this stage the anaesthetic was wearing off and of course the first place it seemed to wear off was my abdomen. I was using the morphine pump and was coping well with the pain, what I found most annoying was the way I had to stay laying down flat for the day. I actually can't remember why, I think it was to do with the epidural! I was so out of it that day!

When my parents got there I was so excited for Dylan to meet Lauren. I still remember his little face lighting up when he saw her. It was as if he couldn't believe she was here! My mom was emotional too!

 Derek's parents arrived shortly after with gifts! And I opened all the gifts and had a full conversation about them, and when we got home I opened the bag and asked Derek where they came from! I guess morphine will do that to ya! I never got any other pictures on the first day, my poor Dad and Derek's parents never got a picture with my newborn Lauren, but I have loads with them now so it's ok!

When everyone left we took some pictures of Dylan and Lauren together. To see Dylan holding her melted my heart.

 I was feeling very weak and tired so I didn't have any pictures taken which I'm disappointed in now! The first night in the hospital was very uncomfortable, and I was still waiting on my private room which the nurses kept telling me would be ready soon. The lovely nurse took Lauren that night as I just wouldn't have been able to care for her, I mean I could barely move. I remember it would take ages to turn over and it was pretty awful that first night. The next morning they had my room ready and they moved me into it. It was a gorgeous big room it was like a hotel! I took a shower slowly (with help) and tried to keep moving and keep active. I rested a lot too though and just enjoyed my baby. I was so in control this time around I had my little routine going, feeding and changing and getting her on a schedule! I hadn't the foggiest notion with Dylan! But we did ok, but I knew what I wanted to do differently this time round.

My Mom visited quite a lot with Dylan which really helped. I was very emotional after the section and quite uncomfortable but mostly I was happy. I was overwhelmed and happy to have a baby daughter.

 I spent four nights in the hospital and on the 27/02/09 we took our new baby home, then at 2:09pm my parents dropped Dylan home and we became a family of four. Those first few days at home were so magical and Derek was amazing. He took amazing care of me and of our children too.

I looked at our children and realised that I was so lucky. I am so grateful to have two beautiful children and I am so happy I wrote their birth stories. It helped me realise all the things that I'd forgotten.

Lauren will be three soon and I can't quite believe it. She is still our little baby. Dylan is seven, where does the time go! They grow so fast you can't quite believe it, the only thing that grows faster than them is the overwhelming love I have for them, and I know that is the one thing in my life that will never change.

Click here for Dylan's birth story