I often wonder where I would start if I were to write my birth stories, somehow I always think it's a profoundly private thing. It's not just my story, but Derek, Dylan and Lauren's too. The story of their grand entrances!
In saying that, I feel I have some ownership over the stories since it happened to my body, so ultimately its up to me to share it. Maybe the kids might like to read it some day, god knows I always ask my own mum about when I was born. So it's my story to tell and so I've decided to tell it.
Of course not everybody has the same experience and I wasn't lucky with my birth experience with Dylan. I had complications, but I'm not saying my experience is what happens for everyone it's just the way things went for me.
Part One - Labour & Delivery
Dylan arrived ten days late in 2004 , I had a scan on the Friday before Dylan was born, my obstetrician said my amniotic fluid levels were good, and they said if I didn't go into labour over the weekend then they would induce labour on Tuesday the 30th. Boy was he spot on, because Tuesday morning at 7:00am my labour started! I was due to be in hospital at 8:00 am! I was probably in the early stages of labour all night. I had a light breakfast and we headed to the labour ward, which was only five minutes down the road. So we took the last belly shot!
I checked in and they hooked me up to a foetal monitor and we listened to the baby's heartbeat for about half an hour. I remember I was starting to get cramping and tightening at this stage, and what felt like light contractions every few minutes. At this stage I signed my consent for the epidural, I remember when I read the fine print it advised how 10% of people who have an epidural it doesn't work for. I remember thinking to myself I'm going to be that 10%- more on this later.
They established I was in labour at this stage so they had me change and settle into my room. The contractions started getting a bit stronger at this stage. I was getting more anxious and I sat on a birthing ball to get things moving along. Then my midwife had me started on an iv with my induction meds. I hated them they made the contractions stronger and closer together. I remember thinking that my body could do this on its own and I didn't need it artificially, so I asked them to stop the iv. The doctor then decided to break my waters at 12pm, this was such an odd sensation and quite uncomfortable, then you can feel a gush of water. Then the fun started! The contractions got more intense and more painful, I started to get overwhelmed and I felt like I needed the epidural.
It was at this stage that I met my midwife Molly, she was amazing I really couldn't have done it without her! (sorry Derek) so the doctor said that the anaesthesiologist was on call and I'd have to wait half an hour or I could have a different anaesthesiologist. Now I don't know if the epidural just didn't work for me or else the anaesthesiologist didn't carry out the procedure correctly, but it didn't take effect.
He had me bend forward with a pillow on my lap, Molly held my hands and then it was done, my left side went numb for about half an hour but I still felt all the pain it didn't work at all, now unless it helped and labour is way more painful than what I went through!
I was in agony at this stage and very upset because the epidural hadn't worked. I remember saying to Molly "I can't do this" she took my hands looked me in the eyes and says "yes you can" I laboured for another while. I remember looking over and seeing Derek getting very upset, and I asked him to go get my mum for a while, so he went and got her and I sent him off so he could get his head together,it was clear from my mum's face that I was having a very difficult labour. I experimented with different positions for my labour, and the nurse put ice on my back but eventually the doctor tried to call the anaesthesiologist again.
About an hour later the anaesthesiologist who was supposed to come to me originally arrived, and my doctor told her that I would need a spinal block as I was experiencing a lot of swelling and tearing, but when they examined me they saw that I was ready to start pushing. So no spinal block!! they went through the pushing technique with me, this was when I feel I lost focus. I was so exhausted from the pain and really fatigued. I panicked and i don't feel i pushed correctly or effectively. I went on pushing for another two hours, and my doctor decided it was time for an episiotomy and they would try forceps, so he injected some local anaesthetic and gave me the episiotomy which i didn't feel, I was already in so much pain. At this point Molly was finished her shift and she asked me would she stay, but I told her to go she must have been exhausted, and so another midwife came. Her name was Olive, when my mother met her she remembered her as the midwife that helped deliver my younger brother. It was amazing to have had her there and to have had the support of the nurse who brought my brother into the world, and was now going to help deliver my son. It felt quite poignant really and it meant a lot to me.
Then my doctor went ahead and tried to use the forceps to deliver my baby, they didn't work so the doctor tried the vacuum, and so after 10 hours of active labour with one final push, I delivered my son into the world. It was 5:00 pm on Tuesday the 30th of November 2004. He weighed 8lbs 2oz, he had soft downy hair with big chubby cheeks, with his little face all scrunched up.
They put him straight on my chest and I gathered him to me. I was so relieved he was here and he was utterly perfect. I looked at Derek who was overcome with emotion. He kissed me and then Dylan, they took him and cleaned him up and brought him to me so I could feed him.
All this time they are still working on me and prepping me for my repair surgery. At this point I didn't care I was just so happy my baby was here and he was ok. I would have gone through it all again. I never felt such relief than when I pushed him out. The emotions are euphoric. To see the child you've carried, to see their face, their fingers there toes. He looked familiar to me the moment he was born. I already felt I knew him forever. I knew his face by heart minutes after he was born, I would have known his smell. He was the most beautiful little baby I'd ever seen ( even though he was red and squished! and ok he looked like a red beetroot, but to me he was gorgeous)
We waited while my OB went to get ready for my surgery, they let my mum come back in then to see Dylan while we waited. She was thrilled and so relieved he was here and I was ok.
Part two - my surgery
At about 7:00 pm they brought me to theatre for my repair operation, my OB was preparing for the surgery while they administered a spinal block which took effect pretty fast, then they got me all set up and my OB came in and stitched me. I was stitched for over an hour and a half and then they took me to recovery. When I was in recovery I got to speak with my doctor, and I asked him how many stitches I had, and he looked at me and said ' more than 1 but less than 100' that's all he would say. I had suffered a third degree tear. I was one of the unlucky few. Then when the doctor was happy I was recovering well he let them take me back to my room. I was so happy to just be with Derek and Dylan and really enjoy being our new little family. I was happier than I had ever been.
Unfortunately when I woke during the night, I was in such awful pain that they had to call the on call doctor to give me some extra pain meds.They helped a bit and I got some sleep, the next morning I was very weak so they went ahead and did some blood tests, and since I had lost so much blood they gave me two units of blood. I recovered slowly, but all the while I was happy to have my baby here, and it was so wonderful getting to know him. We were our own little family now, and it was amazing!
Dylan was also lucky enough to meet a very special person who is no longer with us, my Grandmother. She was so overwhelmed to meet her first great Grandson, and this picture is priceless to me. I am so grateful that she got to meet Dylan, as this is something that Lauren never got to do. She adored Dylan, he was a blessing to her. Dylan was very close to her too.
Some of what followed was intensely private, but I'm happy to share this much. I suffered with post natal depression, but knowing that you can go down and then bring yourself back up and fight for your happiness again, well it makes me proud of myself because I came through it. That still was the happiest time for me, even when I was emotional and tearful I still enjoyed every moment with my new baby.
I don't know why my labour was more difficult than other people, and i dint know why I got post natal depression, and at first I was a little upset that I had had such a bad experience at times, but I had Dylan and if that is what I had to go through to bring my beautiful, amazing, wonderful boy into this world. I would do it all again tomorrow, because sometimes the brightest day comes after the darkest night, and Dylan had certainly brightened up my world. I am grateful we have a son and I'm grateful that son is Dylan. I am thankful that I am lucky enough to be his mommy.
ps: Lauren's birth story will follow soon, it took me a long time to compose Dylan's so I'm hoping to have Lauren's ready in time to share on her third birthday.
